The Mission: Coming Home to Myself

What is my life’s purpose? What did I come here to do?

It’s been three years since I wrote on this blog.  The truth is I got scared.  I just froze and didn’t know what to write or what to say even though I feel like a volcano that needs to erupt and I have so much to say!  I want to use this blog to find my path and purpose.  I want to use it to brainstorm and brain dump; to get my thoughts out on paper and see what is there; and most importantly, to share the journey with you.  Right now, I’m at ground zero and ready for a rebirth.  I know you are feeling it too.

I am 51 years young.  I have worked as a lawyer for 20 years with the last 8 years working as in house corporate counsel for a nuclear power plant. I believe in the power of prayer and dream realization because at the 11th hour (biologically speaking) I married and managed to have two beautiful children in my forties.  I have a 10 year old daughter and 7 year old son that I absolutely love and adore.   I also have two beautiful step kids; my 17 year old stepson and 22 year old stepdaughter.  These five beings made me believe in miracles.

These gorgeous miracles, and a very busy career, have managed to keep me extremely busy.  We have bills to pay, college and retirement to save for, and family life to sustain.  That’s a big job!  And that big job managed to push my dream life and my creative life into the corner.  I also blame fear.  Who isn’t afraid of being rejected?  But I’m letting these things hold me back and life is going right on by.  I haven’t allowed myself permission to spend any time daydreaming, playing, conjouring, and creating to help me to re-zero and find my true calling and purpose.  Am I really working at what I love?  Am I spending forty hours a week doing what I LOVE?  Not really.  It has elements of what I am good at but it is not my passion.  I’m in survival mode for the most part.  I’m sure you feel it too.  BUT, I’m not done letting my mind roam free to dream some new dreams to add to this rich tapestry of my life.  I believe there is another way.  I believe there is something else I was put on earth to do and I need to find it.  It isn’t necessarily going to find me.

Part of the joy of life is exploring the limitless possibilities for how we can live and work.  And it is different for every one of us.  I hope you will join me on this adventure.  Let’s explore and open up our minds to the infinite possibilities.  If the sky was the limit what would you do?  Where would you go?  Who would you be?  What are you seeking?  Please share it with me.  If you are not comfortable sharing, please just join me.  Let’s see where this adventure takes us. 💫

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Jon Kabat-Zinn

xo SFTL

There is no time like the present.

IMG_5365.JPGSo, here I am. I never in a million years thought I would start a blog or become a “blogger”. It seemed so out there; so public. And I’m a very private person. On top of it, I just never considered my story to be valuable or worthy of sharing with anybody. (Read: Low self-esteem). But my perspective is changing.  I’m starting to feel like I do matter.

I give credit to Elizabeth Gilbert and Sheri Salata for inspiring my newfound courage to tell my story.  We all are unique beings with a unique story to tell. Nobody on earth has ever been me or you before. So, yes, it’s a very unique story! It’s well worth telling!

I want to use this blog to explore my art. I want to speak my truth. I want to tell my story. Learn to be fearless.  When I was younger, I thought by the time I reached age 35 I would have confidence and feel comfortable in my own skin, know who I am and what I want, where I want to be, where I want to go, and what I want to do.  That day never came as I hit 35, 40, and then 45.  I am here staring down 50 and I am still scared.  I know I have a voice but it has been devalued, criticized, and stifled.  I am not placing blame.  I have a part in that as much as my world does.

I’m ready to confront my tremendous fears and tackle my inner beatdown committe that tells me: this is a dumb idea; not to embarrass myself; that my stories will be dumb, or worse, boring; that I don’t know what I’m doing; and that I have nothing important or of value to say. Maybe so? But I’m doing it anyway.

So, here goes. I’m looking forward to this adventure. I hope to find my tribe here. My community. Myself. 🦋